The overseer is to be “not violent” (1 Tim. 3:3, also Titus 1:7).
Paul used a number of different terms to depict the character of an elder in his relationship to others, thus it may be best to take our term literally, to distinguish it from the others. To be “not violent” more literally refers to “coming to blows.” The KJV renders the underlying word as “no striker” and the NASB “not pugnacious” (related to our word “pugilist” for a boxer). Can you imagine an elders’ meeting ending with black eyes and bloody noses?
Some cultures have a greater propensity toward physical violence. We do well to remember the violence of some of our OT heroes, and the propensity of our Lord’s disciples’ toward use of physical force (“Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down . . . and consume them?” (Luke 9:54).
Violence is the inclination of our flesh, the use of physical force to get our way (Gal. 5:19-21). We might suggest this includes using violent language and threats. Such behavior takes the elder trait of being “not quarrelsome” to an extreme.
How, then, can we discern nonviolence in a man? The first place to observe is in his family life. Paul required that a man must “keep his children under control with all dignity” (1 Tim 3:4). Although this does not forbid corporal punishment, he should not exhibit unrestrained reaction or resort to capricious or excess punishment, which is child abuse. A man’s relationship to his wife should also be considered. He must not be given to the use of physical, emotional or verbal abuse.
Elders are to demonstrate the saving work of Christ and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit in their lives by evidencing the same nonviolence which characterized Jesus and which He required of His followers (Matt. 26:52).