“An elder must be . . . not quarrelsome” (1 Tim. 3:3d).
Can you imagine an elders’ meeting turning into a fistfight? Paul did, which is why earlier in the verse he set forth the elder qualification of being “not violent” or “pugnacious” (1 Tim. 3:3b). But conflict is more likely to be verbal, and that is why Paul says that an elder must not be quarrelsome or argumentative (3:3d).
To be quarrelsome is to be predisposed to hostile and unproductive debate, with a desire to “win” the debate and to avoid “losing”—at all costs. One’s ego has replaced the desire for constructive problem solving and decision making.
There are several reasons why “not quarrelsome” is an important qualification for an elder:
- Being argumentative is a manifestation of the flesh, which produces strife and dissension, rather than unity (John 17:23; Gal. 5:16-26; Eph. 4:3, 13).
- Decision making requires the freedom to express opposing views (see Acts 15). Heated debate prompts men to cling even harder to their views and to reply in kind, rather than to listen, learn, and come to harmonious decisions (Prov. 15:1; 25:15).
- Godly leaders distinguish themselves from false teachers by not being argumentative (2 Tim. 2:22-26).
- An elder’s confidence must not be in his own debating skills, but rather in the truth of God’s Word and the power of his Spirit (Acts 6:4; Phil. 3:15).
- The elder who is not quarrelsome manifests those qualities which testify to the truth and wisdom of their words: “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:16–18).